If you are dealing with overwhelming amount of sadness, hate or humility from your family particularly your parents – Here are 18 subtle signs to look out for if you feel that you are a victim of toxic parenting :
1. They NEVER appreciate.
If you feel overwhelmed by the burden of expectations from you , you might be silently suffering. Expecting your kids to perform well can be a concern for parents resulting in limitless expectations ; BUT How rarely do you feel appreciated for the work you put in? If you feel like you are never appreciated, this might be a big sign.
2. They are TOO Rude.
Concern for your kid might lead to disappointments or anger, but being too rude or cussing during the conversation is a big NO NO ! If you often find your parents shouting at you for invalid and very small reasons, it might be a sign.
For example) Hey John, Why didn’t you fill the water bottles?! You really are good for nothing!
3. They lack Boundaries and Overshare.
If you can recall being a part of very stressful financial or emotional conversations since a very young age ,your parents were probably toxic. Every kid deserves to live their childhood stress free and lovingly , but if you never feel like going back to your teen years recalling all the stress and chaos – This might be a sign.
4. They are NOT Supportive.
It doesn’t matter whether your parents are financially strong or not ; the major support a child needs and expects is emotional support. If you feel like your parents never supported you even when you voiced your concern or were never emotionally available. This too might be a sign.
5. They never Show Up.
If they barely show up at the important events of your life and hardly have time for you, this might be because they are self centered and do not care. It’s really a tough pill to swallow and my heart goes out to each and anyone who resonates with these situations.
6.They are absurdly Strict.
The necessity of stopping a kid or teen from doing certain activities might arise from the fear of getting them hurt or afflicted , but if the reason of them being strict is invalid or completely absurd- It is a sign of toxicity.
For example) Taunting or stopping a kid from doing their favorite simple hobby or activity like painting, swimming or skating.
7. You are NOT their priority.
Everyone has a long list of responsibilities but how often does these ‘responsibilities’ come in their way of being there for you. If your parents frequently miss showing up or are always too busy, they might be toxic.
8. They are always arguing.
If your parents are always fighting or arguing amongst themselves and you feel helpless during these situations and are fed up, this might be it. Kids and teens often suffer long years of their life dealing with abusive parents or parents who do not go well with each other.
9. They are harshly critical.
“You need to stop eating SO much! You already are too fat!” or “You are good for nothing. At least start studying!” If statements like these are something you casually get to hear and are used to- this is TOTALLY WRONG! Being concerned about your child’s health or career might be a cause of it but how you put up your concern is crucial especially when you are dealing with a kid!
10. They always OVERREACT.
If you already know by the tone or mood of your parent that they are going to get angry or answer in a NO – This might be because they have always overreacted to the least of your desires and concerns , which is very toxic.
11. They give your SIBLINGS MORE IMPORTANCE than you.
This might not be the case for everyone but if you are not a single kid and frequently feel that the other kid is treated better than you, you might not be only overthinking. Feeling this way might be immaturity in most cases but if they are vocal about it – unfortunately they are very very toxic!
For example) If they can only afford a single piece of cake or clothing, it is always given to your counterpart.
12. They always Compare.
Comparison is toxic in itself. Every kid is beautifully unique. One should never make a shark feel bad for its inability to fly. Sadly, many kids lose their confidence so early in their life – it takes ages to rebuild.
13. They always Complain.
If they are never ready to listen and always complain about you overreacting or complaining- they might be the one doing it the most. Although there are great chances that they might be right , as a parent they MUST LISTEN for once.
14. Their reputation matters most to them.
If What will people or colleagues from office say?! is the primary concern for them, they might be toxic. We all are social animals and the generation gap between parents and kids might be a huge cause of disagreements , BUT to what extent? If your parents are NOT READY TO LISTEN OR COMPROMISE even if your reasons are very valid and not harming anyone- they are just selfish and thus toxic.
15. They are Insensitive.
If you really respect your parents and genuinely try to obey them but due to some reasons, all you get to hear is insensitive remarks- they are clearly inconsiderate of your feelings and this is a big sign of toxicity.
For example) “Mom, May I help you with the dishes?” and the response is mostly something like- NO! Just leave me alone. I don’t want to see your face right now.
People can say it might be out of anger or other things that’s bothering them; but if you often find yourself breaking down and you can’t help it – this might be because of their prolonged toxic behavior towards you.
16. They are NEVER WRONG.
Relationships are complicated and every one makes mistakes, even our parents. If even after an invalid emotional outburst aimed at you, they never feel guilty or never apologize– they are toxic. Apologizing does not mean that they need to throw a formal sorry at you. It can be done in subtle ways like cooking your favorite meal or taking you out to the park.
17. They throw hands at you.
This might be the worst case scenario but even if small mistakes trigger their anger issues and they raise their hands to hit or hurt you- this should not be it. Raising your hands is never a solution when it comes to anybody including kids or teens.
18. They threaten you.
If you occasionally find your parents threatening you for small things and mistakes like “GO! Cook your own food! I’m not cooking for no one today!” or they seldom threaten you even to the extremes of disowning you if you fail– they are TOXIC.
CONCLUSION:
If you resonate with most of the points mentioned above, your parents are probably toxic and my heart goes out for you.
Know 12 Effective ways on how to deal with toxic parents !
Stay strong and always remember that how someone chooses to treat you is not in your hands.
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